The Style Venn Diagram

Quite anything can feel overwhelming, until it doesn’t. Getting to that point involves learning, often hard work, and a true desire to understand yourself and others around you. Personal style is this way. Don’t let anyone fool you that it’s about simply understanding that pink pairs with red or identifying that you love that picture of Kate Moss in a biker jacket and Wellies. It’s worth it to take the time to understand what drives you, why some things speak to you and other things fall on deaf ears, or even cause an inexplicable negative visceral reaction. You see, our personal style is a true convergence of many elements, often invisible to the eye, and even more often, invisible to ourselves. Until we bring them in to focus, like we will hear. In the Venn diagram.

After reading this, I hope if there’s just one thing you take away it’s this: personal style is indeed, personal. It is impossible for someone to judge what “looks good” on you because it is too heavily intertwined with “what we feel good” wearing. And what makes us “feel” in certain ways goes way beyond our hip measurements and a flattering curve of a dress. How we “feel” in what we wear is a combination of myriad components here in the diagram. Things that your friends, your family, and certainly a (passerby, a commenter in social media, a salesperson at a store) do not know, could not possibly know, and do not need to know. You knowing is all that matters – so you can make better decisions and respond more confidently when someone believes differently (it’s them, not you).

I’ll start with the really easy one:

GEOGRAPHY

This is our terrain and temperature.   The realities of the life we live in the environment we reside. If it rains all the time, a wardrobe of ballerina slippers and chiffon is hardly functional. And if it’s scorching hot most days of the year, a shearling coat may just not make sense. It doesn’t mean we don’t explore, and buy – but it’s a data point to help us be measured and control how much we indulge in the frivolous. Which I love doing, but with intent and reservation.  

A. Even in frigid weather, a layering piece can stay incredibly chic and still do the hard work. The fine merino wool is the key reason why this does the job. A convertible cashmere sweater (b.) with sleeves that can be worn arms in in, or not. Tied at the neck scarf style, or cross body for uber style give myriad weather options. Sometimes when the weather’s wet, and cold, we crave the ultimate original like the L.L.Bean boot because the O.G brings on the chic. Across many temps and turfs, the nylon jogger brings it every time (d.).

HISTORY

What decade bookended your formative years? If it was the 80s, then Balenciaga’s strong shouldered Spring 24 season may land entirely different to you than to somone whose reference points align with the bright satin slip dresses of an early 2000s Nicole Richie or the 90s plaid flannel shirts of Kurt Cobain. Use this information as a reference point to help push through a feeling if you are none the less highly intrigued by a certain trend. As a designer, I reject the idea of literal interpretation from the past – there’s too much head baggage in the direct interpretation of a piece. The challenge is to make it feel modern and right now. Let’s use the 80s as an example. If I dig deeper, what bothered me about the aggressive shoulders back then was the absurd costume of it all. It wasn’t just a strong shoulder, it was usually accompanied by big hair, big jewelery, and big bold colors. Big, big, big. When I reduce it to a combination of adjectives I can start to identify how I would change it up – not with the sole aim to force myself to wear it but rather to understand why I’m curious about it and what I would do differently, given a clean slate, to make it work. In this case, it works as a tool in my closet as the “big” to my “skin and slim” (x#page in book). The principals of color flow in here as well – I’m not wearing a red leather strong shoulder jacket, but a fine lightweight menswear check in grey? I’m here for this.

EXPERIENCE

The invisible weight on our proverbial shoulders. Did you spend over a decade waitressing? I did. Wearing all black and white in a flat texture has me in fear you’ll demand to know why you haven’t been served your coffee. Did you grow up in a place that was deeply religious? Were you deeply religious? Catholic school? All of this may create associations with longer lengths, navy and green check, that go well beyond the vibes the emanate from a trend report. For many, myself included, there are associations we simply can’t push past, because they inevitably make us feel a certain way. For me, it’s clogs. I appreciate them. They’ve been done by people I respect (Phoebe Philo). And they’re worn by people whose style I admire (Leandra Medine). But no, hard stop for me. Even if the logo stamp is Celine or Hermes, clogs make me feel basic or in costume. This is clearly my hang up and you can see how personal it is. It is literally the manifestation of the concept that there is no “good” or “bad” style but rather our own personal style that is comprised of a bundle of data points that come about from simply living one’s life. I think you can already see that better understanding yourself reduces any sting when someone says how much they dislike what you are wearing (or have designed). Knowing why you feel a certain way about something empowers you to defend those decisions if to no one but yourself. And that is where confidence is born from – you’ll be unlikely to change anyone else’s opinion that (clogs are good) and that’s ok. It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. See?

The Pizza uniform on the left shares no vibes with the chic look on the right. I pushed past my waitering vibes by adding texture and proportions.

PHYSICAL SELF

I hate my legs, always have, probably always will. As a designer who creates along a Creative Pragmatic scale, and as a business owner, I would be foolish to allow a body part to dictate my designs. And Traci and Sarah love a mini or a short, so it’s in our wheelhouse for sure. You see this is a “me” problem. There are a few other things I could name that are on my no-fly list, most of them an underlying product of my experiences and geography. I’m not fond of certain yellow browns when I wear them near my face – I tend to look like I don’t feel well and somehow by the end of the day I convince myself that maybe there is indeed a scratch in the back of my throat. Experience underlies my dislike of certain shades of brown that are wholly related to where I grew up and where I now reside. If you understand what controls both positive and negative reactions, you’ll know better in the future why that black dress that your friends shrieked made you look so sexy, you’ve worn only once. But that interesting piece you bought with the full hips and curved backside has been your go to every time you want to feel your best.   You’ll also start to understand when you are limiting yourself to clothing to amplify certain body parts – a slim waist, a tone arm. Given that personal style is a congruence of many factors, relying on just one attribute for your clothing choices – “flattering” – will leave you feeling a bit uninspired.  

a & b: Just because I tend to cover my legs, doesn’t mean I’m relegated to conservative style. Your physical preferences don’t dictate how modern and chic you can feel, they’re just a point of information that feeds in to your choices.

FAMILIAL

The best of us have done it, all of us have experienced it, that comment given or received, often by someone quite close to us, that plays on repeat in our head. “Your face look so fresh when you wear a colored lip.” “Those skinny jeans makes you look so much taller.” “Don’t hide your figure under all those baggy clothes.” While this exercise is about having you understand the motivations behind the choices you make, the feelings you experience, it’s also about understanding that other people have experienced the same compilation of factors. Not the same experience – but the same factors. Everytime your mom, the coworker, the well intentioned friend offers an opinion, that opinion is a reflection of their Venn diagram rather than an objective observation of you. And when you understand this you can see how this knowledge emboldens you to let these comments glide right off. You can’t stop the comments – people are humane, they share, they over share, etc. but understanding the mindset just a little bit better can help you control how you react. If at all. Style nirvana is when you get to the point when you receive other’s comments as simply a reflection of them. Not you.

Your best friend may just see big jeans (a) when you know that can’t begin to describe how chic and interesting you feel in a sculpted denim. The slim bodysuit with ties may be thought of as an odd choice to your coworker, and since they’re not the one wearing it, it hardly matters. The mom that believes they taught you better than to wear white in the winter (b) may be confused by this dress, worn with a red sock and a mens checked overcoat. But you aren’t. For good reason, because it’s amazing. I think so, anyways.

EMOTIONS

It’s only human nature to associate items with how we’ve felt during different moments in our life. I have a special place for a lace nightgown I wore after my first son was born, ditto for a Donna Karan suit I wore on an important interview long ago. The person on the subway next to me? They can’t know what the bracelet I’m wearing means to me. And that’s ok, because it’s personal. Very. So it stands to reason you have items in your closet that have feelings attached to them that may not necessarily be detected by anyone.

The sculpted sweatpant and cut out sleeve sweatshirt. It’s one of those items that I add in new colors each season, and it holds a special place in my heart. It was my Christmas morning outfit in 2020 when I hadn’t seen my parents for over a year. It was my Thanksgiving outfit in 2022 with my boys. It was my long haul flight to Dubai to spend time with an incredible team. But to you, it may just be a beautiful interesting but functional top.

It’s personal. Understanding who you are is a critical step to developing your personal style. The Venn Diagram will help you break it down, to make better choices and to have good discourse around your style. See?